You might think today is Cyber Monday, or the start of the Holiday season, or whatever. To me, today is (and always has been) back on the wagon week! It’s the Monday after Thanksgiving, where we all had too much to eat, didn’t exercise enough, and had to loosen our belt a couple of notches.

And dammit – there’s nothing wrong with that! You gotta live! I have zero regrets about all the pie and turkey I consumed this last week!

And I, like many of you, am back on the wagon this week! However, I’m very curious about something. This last week, I spent time soul searching and setting intentions.

I realized that I have the greatest and longest lasting health and weight loss success when I’m suupppperrr obsessed with food, health, nutrition, working out, etc.

It’s all I think about. I surround myself with you ladies, weight loss people on Instagram, weigh and log every bite that goes into my mouth, obsessively check how many calories I burned during a workout, etc. I HATE IT!!! HATEEEEE it! It’s so ridiculous. I realize that it’s not the best, or healthiest way to lose weight. FULLY realize!!

Howeverrrrrr…I feel like when I’m not totally obsessed, I don’t stick to it and I find myself off and on the wagon several times a month, if not daily. So I’m wondering who else is like this? And what can we do to change the dialogue in our heads so that we can live a healthy, active life, lose weight in a healthy way, but not be totally and utterly obsessed with every calorie? I’ve been like this my whole life, so it’s going to take some work, but I realllllly want to try!

This is the only photo I have of my time in the hospital. I think it’s telling of the experience – I chose to only capture the good. 

Many of you may know this about me, but I’ve never directly addressed it in my blog before, so here’s the story of how May 1st changed my life:

Six years ago on Friday, April 13th, 2012 I underwent surgery to repair ligaments in my right foot. Shortly after, on April 24th, I went to get an ultrasound on my leg because of severe pain in my calf. Finding nothing, they sent me home. (two things here: I will never again have a medical procedure on Friday the 13th, and I will never use SimonMed Imaging for any kind of medical testing again.)

A week later, on May 1st, I was rushed to the hospital with several blood clots in my lungs and leg. Almost 50% of people with pulmonary emboli (blood clots in their lungs) die instantly. I was one of the lucky ones.

Normally, I’m a person with horrible memory. I have trouble remembering specifics – dates, conversations, etc. But I remember, what seems like, every single minute of that whole ordeal.

I was scooting my way down the hall at work on my trusty knee walker (who I named “Lucy”) for my daily 2 p.m. visit to my co-worker Karlee’s office. And I couldn’t breathe. My heart was racing, my lungs felt full of water, and I became extremely light headed. As soon as I sat down in Karlee’s office, I asked her to Google the symptoms of pulmonary embolism. Having all of the symptoms, I did the next rational thing – called my mother! HAHA! My mom, always the voice of reason, calmly told me to hang up and tell Karlee to call 9-1-1.

I will never forget the care and calmness of the paramedics who helped me that day. They knew exactly what was happening, also knew I was freaking the f*ck out, and they helped me tremendously. I’ll also never forget how many my co-workers gathered around Karlee’s office with curiosity – haha! At one point, one of the paramedics went out of the office and I could hear him very sternly tell them that the situation was very serious and they needed to GIVE.HER.SPACE!

The ride in the ambulance seemed to take forever – in reality, it might have been 10 minutes. But the whole time, the kind, calm, compassionate paramedic kept me calm with mindless chatter – asking what plans I had that weekend, and how it was his daughter’s first birthday, so him and his wife were planning a party. Again, details I would otherwise never remember.

The next three days were humiliating, humbling, and life-changing. I wasn’t able to move much – the doctors didn’t want the clots to move from my lungs into to my heart. So after being pumped full of fluids I had to use a bed pan in front of my mother, nurses, doctors, the world (it seemed).

But I will never forget the love. My mother was there at the hospital every single day for the entire time I was there – 10 days – even though it was an hour from home. My friends Daryl, Mike, Shannon, Pat, several coworkers, and my Aunt Toni came to visit me to keep me company and boost my spirits. My good friend Kelli came almost every day to help me braid my unruly hospital hair. My family and friends who lived out of town called almost daily, sent flowers, games, stuffed animals, and Mr. Potato head (see photo above).

During those 10 days, I had a lot of time to think, and I realized that not only did I want to live, but I wanted to have a LIFE. I wanted to travel. I wanted to fall in love. I wanted to experience everything that life had to offer. Up until then, I felt like I had just been existing – going through the motions.

Since then, I’ve truly tried to take time to “stop to smell the roses” and to really be grateful for my life.

I often wonder why it feels so good to share this story (every.single.year – sorry to those who have heard it a trillion times), and I think it’s because it reminds me of these things – the love and the gratitude.

So if there’s one thing you take away from this, as cliche as it sounds, let it be this – Walk in gratitude. Make the most of every day you have, you truly never know when it could be your last. 

Recently a few friends have come to me asking how I stay motivated to workout. First of all, it’s UNREAL to me that anyone would come to me for any kind of fitness advice. Second, just freakin’ do it! 

It’s so much easier said than done, but it’s true! You have to decide for yourself how bad you want it. Is reaching your goals worth keeping your promise to yourself to workout? Then just freakin’ do it! 

Here’s what I mean by that – don’t think, just do. If I have plans to go to the gym after work, the instant that I start thinking about it is the instant that I start talking myself out of it. “I’m tired today. Wouldn’t it be nice to have a night off? Maybe I should walk the dogs instead. Maybe I should go get a beer instead. That sounds nice. Way better than the gym.” Sound familiar?

So, I just don’t think about it. I just freakin’ do it! 

So here’s my advice – create a SMART goal – Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Timely.

Then, just freakin’ do it. 

For instance, here are my SMART goals for this week:
37,000 steps M-F
3,700 calories burned during my workouts this week
3-4 days of morning cardio
3-4 days of strength training at the gym

Each of those are SMART and they’re extremely do-able. Once I set my intentions and goals for the week each Sunday, I look at my calendar, and weather for the week and plan accordingly.

For instance, I know it’s supposed to rain Monday through Thursday this week, but the weekend is supposed to be glorious, and I’d like to spend it active and outside. So after looking at my work schedule and the weather, I devised this schedule:

Monday: Pound class (done!)
Tuesday: Morning Cardio (done!)
Wednesday: Morning Cardio (done!), Strength Training at the Gym
Thursday: Morning Cardio, Strength Training at the Gym
Friday: Walk/hike with the dogs
Saturday: Walk/Hike with the dogs
Sunday: Active Rest – light walk/hike with the dogs, Strength Training at the Gym

And I’m not going to give a second thought because to me, that gives me the opportunity to bail out of my plan and to fail. I’m going to just freakin’ do it! 

How do you balance eating fewer calories with eating artificial sh*t?

I’ve always been of the belief that eating “low-fat” or “reduced calorie” foods does more harm than good. For instance, if you eat a small amount of whole-fat cheese, it’s better for you than eating more low-fat cheese because of the artificial shit that they pump into those kinds of foods to make them lower calorie, while keeping taste.

However, I recently switched to “light” ranch dressing for my salads and I’m kind of struggling with it.

So … serious question – how do you balance eating fewer calories with still trying to eliminate eating artificial shit?

I just need to get all of this off my chest. Feel free to not read it or read it – whichever you want!

tl;dr – I’m missing Arizona and hate the gloomy weather! 

If there’s one thing that will forever and always be true about me, it’s that the weather effects my moods. It effects my energy, my happiness, and my self-esteem. I know it shouldn’t. I know that the weather is something I cannot control, so I shouldn’t let it effect me … but it does.

Growing up in Michigan, there are about 6-7 months of gray, nasty, winters each year. And each year I struggled with depression during those months. Seasonal Affective Disorder is real. It’s a thing. Don’t ever let anyone tell you it’s not.

Moving from the Valley of the Sun in Arizona to Alabama has been tough. That’s the understatement of the century. This week has been particularly gloomy and lonely. I’m an extrovert to my core and really miss being around people. Not just my friends, but people in general. In Arizona I lived in a very active, bustling area. I lived by Downtown Chandler where there was always something going on, and we lived in an apartment complex where there were always people around.

In Alabama, I live in a sleepy little town in a neighborhood where none of our neighbors know each other. To give you a feel – someone posted on the local community board about fun things to do. 99% of the posts were about church and the other 1% was about hiking and outdoor activities. Which, don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with church and hiking, but where I’m from, there are festivals and events going on every day!

So, I’ve just been lonely and a little depressed. And, to top it all off, I’ve been eating my feelings. And, I’m SUCH a huge compare-er. I follow a lot of people on social media who have lost a lot of weight, eat clean, and workout everyday. So when I’m having a particularly bad weekend, I look on there and feel even worse. I know, I know. #1. Don’t Compare. #2. Stay off social media sometimes.

Anyway, I’ve just been having a bad week. A friend and I are supposed to have dinner today. I really hope that pans out so that I can get out of the house and be around other people for a while!

Now that I’ve recapped the last 6 weeks, now I get to move forward to look to the next 6 weeks! For the last couple of weeks since the DietBet ended, I’ve been trying different workouts and different eating plans.

I joined a gym with Mama Burg and we’ve been going to some group fitness classes, which I LOVE. I also tried a plant-based diet last week, which was super interesting!

So first, I just want to start by saying how much I felt like I was eating on the plant-based diet. I felt like I could eat all day long and still not go over my calories for the day. So that was awesome. However, my body did not agree with the diet. To try not to gross you guys out, let’s just say that pretty much everything I ate went right through me.  Every. Single. Time.

However, I do know that my body lovessss and thrives off being gluten free. My stomach feels so much flatter, my brain feels so much less foggy, and I have a lot more energy! So, for the next week, I’m going to focus on being gluten free, and still keeping the amount of veggies I eat high. Even though my body didn’t agree with being entirely plant-based, I know that it feels great when I’m eating more plants than animal products.

And as far as my workout plan goes, I’m really wanting to kill it. I want to go hard. I want to push hard. I want to do all of the things. However, I was also not able to lift my arms for a solid 2 days this past week because of going so hard! So, my goal for the next 6 weeks is to workout every day. Whether it’s at home in the morning, or at the gym at night, I need a solid workout every single day. That does NOT include walking the dogs. The dogs still need to be walked on top of my workouts.

Also, two new DietBets started for me today – another Fatgirlfedup DietBet (4 weeks) and a 6-month-long DietBet called Lucky Losers. I’ve only gained 2 lbs since the last one ended, and that was after eating all the food and drinking all the beer this weekend. So I’m pretty happy about that!

So that’s the plan moving forward from here!  Onward!

I’ve put off writing this post for a solid week. Not because I didn’t want to, but because there’s just so damn much to say! I recently completed a 6-Week Jessica Smith Workout Program called Walk Strong. I also completed my first 4-week DietBet challenge, where you bet $30 that you can lose 4% of your body weight in 4 weeks!

First to the statistics. During those 6 weeks, I lost 19 lbs and won $50.50 in the DietBet! Beyond those stats, I’ve had several Non-Scale Victories (or NSVs). For instance, I noticed that climbing the stairs at my house is a lot easier. I used to just amble slowly up the stairs – my knees hurting and my lungs working harder by the time I reached the top. Now, I don’t even think twice about going up the steep flight and I’m breathing much easier by the time I reach the top!

I also noticed that I have a LOT more energy and, probably the best NSV has been my mental state. Before starting on this journey, I used to wake up each morning and think “what do I have to do today.” And now, I wake up and think “what do I get to do today.” It’s a subtle, but huge difference.

Those of you who know me, know my love for trashy reality TV. The Real Housewives of anything, basically anything on Bravo, TLC or E!, etc. One thing that has intrigued me lately is “Revenge Body by Khloe Kardashian.” Now, to be clear, I stopped watching “Keeping Up…” years ago. I think it’s gotten out of control. But I’ve always liked and related to Khloe.

The concept of the show is to lose a bunch of weight in 12 weeks to get “revenge” on someone who did them wrong – usually someone who has bullied them or caused them to gain a lot of weight. It’s quite an addicting show and it’s got me to thinking about this concept of a “revenge body.”

Demi Lovato also has a song called “Sorry Not Sorry” where she talks about looking so good that the person regrets what they did to her.

Now I’m out here looking like revenge
Feelin’ like a ten, the best I ever been
And yeah, I know how bad it must hurt
To see me like this, but it gets worse (wait a minute)
Now you’re out here looking like regret
Ain’t too proud to beg, second chance you’ll never get
And yeah, I know how bad it must hurt to see me like this
But it gets worse (wait a minute)

– Demi Lovato “Sorry Not Sorry” lyrics

I mean, who HASN’T lost weight or undergone a transformation and then felt really good rubbing it in someone’s face? I know whenever I see an ex-boyfriend and I’m looking particularly fierce, I always feel really good about it.

But, should we want to lose weight for the sole purpose of “revenge?” My immediate thought is “no. we should always want to lose weight for ourselves – to be happy and healthy with who we are as individuals.”

But man … it’s such a fun concept right?